Over summer I let go of convictions and discipline and stopped caring about making healthy choices. That was a mistake that I’m paying for now while trying to remember how to re-claim a strength and pride that fueled a dramatic 30 lb weight loss in 2020. (Because, well let’s be honest – over half of that came right back on these past 3 months).
Shifting focus back to skills that keep us grounded and disciplined is difficult when you’ve allowed yourself to simply forget them. Like learning a new language (or calculus), if you don’t use it you lose it (what is the continuous derivitive of the chain-rule algorithm again?!) Gratefully, I uncovered a well kept record of each of the weekly goals I’d made for myself over the span of 7 months in my ironic successful year 2020.
Small goals were my motivators week by week but built a foundation of self confidence that was the actual fuel for successes. I want to share a few cornerstones around these small goals and how to make them work the way that they should instead of feeling like a pointless heap of would’ve should’ve could’ve’s.
How to make small goals work the way that they should:
What is one small goal that is realistic where you can actually see yourself succeeding? Visualize it, see yourself, and meditate on it (Yoga optional). Seeing it in your mind’s eye actually will drive the effort harder. Major league ball players do it, so that proves it works, right? Okay, fine. Psychotherapy is grounded in this phenomenon too.
You may wonder how can just one small goal amongst a million of other ‘things I gotta fix’ is realistic to achieving change. It’s not going to change EVERYthing but we have to start somewhere right? So pulling from my metaphor storage I’ll use this: Stop thinking about the giant mountain of laundry, instead you’re only needing one outfit for today. This one small success will fuel more and more and lead to evolution. But of critical importance in the beginning is the power of patience and trust in yourself.
One of my first goals was around lunchtime and what I was going to eat when the creepy hunger cravings started lurking around. I committed to eating ONLY the food I’d reserved the night prior from dinner. Something that made sense, healthy, full of greens and low in carbs. Working from home has perks and one of them is being in very close proximity to the kitchen and very isolated from judgement so it’s a breeding ground for gaining weight as we’re all very intimately aware of. Making this commitment and (eventually) actually succeeding in it taught me that I really do have the strength, I just need to harness it.
Right now it’s fall in Texas, and with Fall in TX we get Football! Ice Cream Socials! Last of summer parties! And all things Pumpkin Spice! And then it JUST gets WORSE, starting with the Halloween candy (I LOVE me some bite sized Kit Kats). And then Thanksgiving rolls around with it’s delicious everything. By the time mid December slides in, well it may be best just to give in and give up. Who wants to feel like they’re constantly walking up a hill in a snowstorm backwards, or swimming against the current like a salmon. Then the quiet whispers start to say stuff like so what, it’s that time of year, you’re not going to be wearing a swimsuit any time soon anyway and who wants to NOT just relax and enjoy the holidays (am I right?).
Approach the fall and holiday season with a leary eye as you would an untrustworthy friend or a slimy sales person. Arm yourself for whatever it wants to throw this way or try to sell. The struggle is absolutely real so it’s time to just own it, claim it and immerse ourselves in it. Learn how to swim in it. How do you deal with a problem? You face it and bring your personal fighting mantra. I like to just tell it to get behind me. Or I tell it that I’m the one in control and it’s worth it to make the right choice.
But what if you don’t feel worthy of the extra effort? Or what about when it is just too hard to consistently make the right choice? I’ve been there. When you don’t see the point in putting extra effort, and for whom anyway? Burdened by underlying mental health challenges, like low self esteem, depression, or anxiety could completely override all good intentions you have. And how frustrating is it to make a goal, visualize success and then fail, not once but over and over again? And everyone has mental issues, so don’t act like we don’t all struggle with something.
It’s not the WHAT but the HOW we cope and deal. Identify and embrace an issue, and state why it is an issue. Example: “I have a problem with XYZ because it goes against my values.” OR “I am anxious because I made a huge mistake at work and I must tell someone about it because if I don’t it will rob me of my peace”. Allow yourself to evolve and set goals a little easier to reach so that as successes are attained the power of your choices is being rebuilt one brick at a time with a foundation of successes.
Once you’ve spotted out the issue and it’s importance, visualize yourself addressing it and correcting it. Now it’s time to make this a small goal for the week. Commit to handling this one thing or at the very least addressing it if it isn’t something that can be solved in a day, by setting a small and achievable action to take. Afterwards, document how you feel and embrace the feelings of gratitude, relief and peace that come. Even if there is a bad outcome, the success of seeing yourself achieve a goal leads to growth in power and confidence to enable the full potential for growth.
Goals can be small or large, depending on what is realistic for the individual. As we evolve our goals may become more difficult. That is called growth. If I’m going to accomplishing one big thing (ahem,….I’ve gotta reverse the damage I did this summer) setting and achieving small goals will get me to the finish line. The intangible issues that lie beneath the surface of my relationships, work productivity, community outreach, etc will also need a few dedicated small goals and a bit of attention. Compartmentalizing helps to ensure the mental reactions to these intangible issues (my little triggers) doesn’t interfere with accomplishing my one big thing. Instead, resting instead on small successes will build back the foundation of confidence in self-care and bring back a more well rounded stronger version of myself.
*This is not intended to replace any medical advice from a trained therapist or doctor. I am speaking from my own personal experience and my words are not to be used for any other purpose than independent personal interpretation.*
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